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January 30th, 2017

It's just science. Once I had a method for affecting time, I just had to figure out how to move in a controlled way through it. I admit, I lost a lot of apples in the early trials. And somebody in the future is probably puzzled about all the mice I accidently sent forward. But I have it working now. I can dial in any time and place. So it's time to start. And I'll do it scientifically.

I grab a backpack. I'm not sure exactly what I'll need but I put a handful of nut bars, a liter of water, and some duct tape in (you never know when you might need it). I make sure I've downloaded all the data I need so the translator can work offline. I turn the dial on the device to February 2nd, 1866 in Lynn, Massachusetts and press the button.

My garage walls dissolve around me. I'm now in the middle of a road with a horse-drawn carriage quickly approaching me. I jump out of the way and knock a young woman over. "I'm so sorry, excuse me."

"It's not problem at all. You just seemed to come out of nowhere."

I help her pick up the bread that has falled from her basket, and ask, "I don't suppose you know where the Eddy house is. I've heard there's been an injury and think I can help."

She looked at me strangely, "It's just outside the city. I can walk you there." 20 minutes later I was knocking on her front door.

"Who are you?"

"My name is Brian. I just came from the port, sailing in from Boston. I heard talk about Mary getting injured and have a new treatment that I think might help."

He looked me up and down, but eventually relented. "Ok, she's in the back. Come this way."

I walked into the bedroom and saw a woman reading a bible. "Are you Mary Baker Eddy?"

"I am. And who are you?"

"I'm here to help." I pulled out the time travel device and set it to Hawaii 250 CE. I grabbed Mary's hand and turned to her husband. "I'm sorry, Mary impedes science." I pushed the button and his face dissolved away. Mary and I were in a crude hut that I had built. I looked at Mary, "Mary Baker Eddy. Through the power of science I hereby remove you from human civilization. Your work in life has promoted "Christian science" which I have determined to be a detriment to real science. You can comfortably live out the remainder of your life here, but human civilization will progress farther without you." I helped Mary into a bed, "Don't worry, the injury wasn't very bad. You'll be able to walk in a few days. I'm going to go bring some friends, they'll be able to help you out until then."

I set the dial back to my time and left Mary. As soon as I got back, I ran to my computer and typed in "Christian Science" into Google: Your search -Christian Science- did not match any documents. I did a few jumps and then went back to work. I set the time travel device for October 26th, 1820 in Sharon, Vermont. I figured Joseph Smith's family would be home from Thanksgiving. I pushed the button.

From Mary's point of I just disappeared and re-appeared with my hand on the shoulder of a 15-year old. I looked at Joseph Smith, "Joseph Smith, Jr. Through the power of science I hereby remove you from human civilization. Your work in life has promoted "Mormonism" which I have determined to be a deteriment to real science...." I stuck around enough to explain to Joseph that Hawaii hadn't been settled yet. He seemed to be helpful and went to get Mary some fruit. So I popped off again.

I worked backwards so that new prophets wouldn't come into being from altered timelines. I went to Germany to get Marin Luther, Israel for Jesus and India for Siddhartha Guatama. Hinduism was tricky, but I figured getting Mahavira, Adi Shankara and Ramanuja would do it. I got Muhammad in between them. Finally, I popped into the island with two men. I couldn't figure out which was going to be Moses. Better safe than sorry.

I ran up the hill to get a look at the whole "village." Martin Luther was meditating next to Buddha. It was time to go home. I set the dial to go back to my home and time. I looked around one last time. I saw everything that I had made, and it was good.

The beautiful islands dissolved around me and I was back in my garage. Or maybe not. This was a house, but it wasn't mine. I looked around and felt like I was standing on the set of a sci-fi show. This is awesome! Obviously something's changed, but I got rid of religion. And science went even faster. All those people who spent their lives busy with religion now got to put their effort into science. I threw my arms up in the air and just basked in what I had done. I ran to the door. I bet there's going to be flying cars or tubes going through the air or something. I was completely shocked when I looked out. The houses did look like they came from the future. But every single house had a large white statue in front. And they were all of me!

A neighbor walked out of her house, "Good day, Brian."

I have no idea how to even respond, "Uh, hi."

"I am just outside to get my daily sun exposure to meet my Vitamin D needs. I will go back in and return to peak productivity shortly."

"Sounds very efficient...I have a silly question that I'd like to see how you answer. Why do you have a statue of me in your yard."

She looked at me strangely for a moment, "You are the Reverant One. The statues are here to appease you. You have appeared throughout our history removing people who impede science. We all worship you so that you do not take us." She looked down, "I must go in now, I have completed my Vitamin D absoprtion for now. May Science be with you."